But in order to receive full credit for this part of the project A.) you must proofread your work as there are too many unclear expressions/spelling errors B.) Your reflections are insufficient C.) How does an article on history on Black masculinity and slavery, a book about media/rap music and a book about education relate to your thesis? What is your revised thesis? ***Review the format of the assignment and follow it.
I appreciate that you found good sources. We will definitely want to use them. Yet, to achieve a precise research essay, we may want to make the thesis and supporting points clearer.
So, you want to discuss how the slavery psychologically affects manhood of African Americans and how stereotypical images of black masculinity in their mind inhabits their social and financial successes.
Your supporting points seem to be below three:
-Their masculinity had been historically oppressed. ( Internal oppression)
-Rap and hip-hop music, which represents Black culture, suggests negative lifestyles,such as violence, drugs and crimes, and contributes high crime rate among African Americans. ( Failure of social success)
-Misinterpretations of coolness among young African Americans have been obstacle to their academic achievement. (Failure of financial or academic success)
I think these points are valid to demonstrate that, even today, African Americans struggle to liberate themselves from internalized oppression created by the history of slavery. We should adjust your annotated bibliography to make your point more coherent. Also, your Works Cited page needs some changes.
But in order to receive full credit for this part of the project A.) you must proofread your work as there are too many unclear expressions/spelling errors B.) Your reflections are insufficient C.) How does an article on history on Black masculinity and slavery, a book about media/rap music and a book about education relate to your thesis? What is your revised thesis?
ReplyDelete***Review the format of the assignment and follow it.
please contact your research adviser from LRC103 Ning- Mariko Fujimura
ReplyDeleteAngela:
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you found good sources. We will definitely want to use them. Yet, to achieve a precise research essay, we may want to make the thesis and supporting points clearer.
So, you want to discuss how the slavery psychologically affects manhood of African Americans and how stereotypical images of black masculinity in their mind inhabits their social and financial successes.
Your supporting points seem to be below three:
-Their masculinity had been historically oppressed. ( Internal oppression)
-Rap and hip-hop music, which represents Black culture, suggests negative lifestyles,such as violence, drugs and crimes, and contributes high crime rate among African Americans. ( Failure of social success)
-Misinterpretations of coolness among young African Americans have been obstacle to their academic achievement. (Failure of financial or academic success)
I think these points are valid to demonstrate that, even today, African Americans struggle to liberate themselves from internalized oppression created by the history of slavery. We should adjust your annotated bibliography to make your point more coherent. Also, your Works Cited page needs some changes.
Thank you,
Mariko